TickleSpot MagazineRelationships | TickleSpot Magazine

Buying a Toy for Your Girl

KristineEmpire — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 06:23:58 +0000

Has your sex life been dragging a bit lately? Or maybe it’s okay, but you’re looking to give your partner a new sexual experience. One of the best ways to do this is with a vibrator.

But how to choose one? There are so many out there with different sizes, colors and features… how do you know which is the right one for her? Here are some tips to help you select the best vibrator for your girlfriend.

Consider what she likes. Do you have a shy wife? Dildo play can be fun and sexy for the two of you, and she can play with it when you’re not home. If vibrators or dildos are new to her, you’ll want to choose a smaller one that won’t intimidate her. If she enjoys a wild ride, has a whole collection of toys and is looking for something new, there are some innovative designs on the market that are sure to spark her attention.

Choose a place to shop. Buying your girlfriend a sex toy can be an intimidating experience. You want help, but going to a sex shop can be embarrassing. Buying online provides a safe degree of anonymity, but how do you really know what you’re getting, and if it’s the right one? You’ll want to find an online store with a concierge service – you can describe your girlfriend over the phone to a knowledgeable customer service representative who can guide you to the right product. And don’t worry – it won’t arrive at your doorstep with the word VIBRATOR written all over it. Choosing an appropriate place to buy your gift can save you a lot of time and effort.

What does she like sexually? If your wife wants a dildo, hopefully you know what she likes sexually, and you’ll use this to your advantage when selecting one. Some dildos are realistic-looking and come in different flesh tones. Others are quite colorful. Some are hard-shelled and made of materials like Pyrex, plastic, aluminum or glass. Others are softer and consist of silicone, rubber or latex. Hard-shelled vibrators provide a more intense experience, while soft-shelled ones are gentler and feel more realistic.

How big are these things? Once you’ve determined the right one for her, you’ll need to look at size. How does she feel about you? Are you the perfect fit, or has she ever expressed a desire for something a little bigger or smaller? Over 30% of men have an erect penis size of 5 ½ to 6 inches, making this the most common size. If you’re really not sure about what size she’d like, go for something in this range.

Clitoral, G-Spots, Bullets and Eggs? Does she enjoy clitoral stimulation, or does she really get off when you find her G-spot? Clitoral vibrators are smaller, don’t usually provide penetration, and stimulate an orgasm similar to oral sex. G-spot vibrators are longer, with a curved head that reaches the most hidden area of the vagina. Rabbit vibrators provide both clitoral and g-spot stimulation, so you don’t have to decide between one or the other.

Beyond the bedroom. Do you like to play in public? Consider buying a bullet or egg toy. These are small, vibrating orbs that fit snugly in a pair of panties, invisible beneath her clothes. They come with a remote control that you can hold, making for an exciting and unpredictable experience. Work in the office together? Give her a little buzz from your cubicle or during a meeting. At the club? Let her know she’s dancing sexy with the touch of a button. If your girl is adventurous and likes surprises, this is the vibrator for her.

There’s a lot to learn about vibrators and dildos, but this guide should give you a head start on buying the right sex toy for your wife or girlfriend. She’ll thank you for it, and she can have fun with you or by herself, which makes everyone happier in the long run!

For a complete selection of luxurious vibrators and dildos, Tickle – Luxury Adult Pleasures. (They have a full-service Concierge!)

Buying a Toy for Your Girl – by TickleSpot Magazine.

How To Get My Boyfriend To Tickle Me

doctormel — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 17:03:17 +0000

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Getting close to your boyfriend can be a lot of fun. Getting him in the mood, however, may be another story, which is why tickling can be so much fun. There’s a lot of fun to be had with tickling, especially the sensations from the body and the whoop of laughter that usually ensues. How do you get him to tickle you? Well, that’s actually much easier than you think.

Saying things such as “I like being tickled” may not be the way to get your desires across. He may just think, “Okay,” and move past your small request. There’s more to it. You have to show him and demonstrate the first few times so that he sees what happens. It’s important to remember that tickling is contagious and silly. It sometimes leads to more tickling and sometimes leads to other things, so be careful what you wish for. Tickling can be highly addictive, but make sure you use it for fun and not torture (yes, there really is such thing as tickle torture).

Getting tickled is just plain good old fun. It causes your body to squirm and laugh out of control. In order to get your boyfriend to tickle, you’ll usually have to start the tickling. Even if he doesn’t like to be tickled, he’ll feel the need to tickle you back. Even if it is just to defend himself.

How to tickle someone is easy. It can start virtually anywhere on the body, but there are key areas to start with. You can either go to the bottom of the feet, behind the knees, under the arms, or behind the neck. Tickling is done with the fingertips, and if you’ve got them, even your fingernails. Once your boyfriend learns that you like to be tickled, you can even suggest feathers and other items to be tickled with.

You can either do a fun tickle or a teasing tickle. What’s the difference? A fun tickle is when you run your fingers up and down the area of choice quickly. Giggling while you tickle helps to break any potential mood barriers down as well. Then, there’s the teasing tickle, where you may whisper things and move your fingers much more slowly. Either tickle is acceptable, it all leads to what the ultimate goal of the tickling is.

Even though tickling is an involuntary twitch of the body, you can force the body to perform the function. It is a pleasurable feeling to be enjoyed over and over again. When your boyfriend learns that you like to be tickled and how much you enjoy it, you’ll never have to ask him again. A simple tickle to him will let him know that you want to be tickled, too, and the fun begins.

How To Get My Boyfriend To Tickle Me – by TickleSpot Magazine.

How to turn a one night stand into a relationship.

sherrybaby — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 05:32:19 +0000

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Somewhere between the introductions and the cab ride home in the morning, you see a glimmer of relationship potential in that one night stand. You don’t hear wedding bells…. yet, but you definitely wouldn’t mind knocking boots again. This sexy one-night-stand of a thing can pretty easily become a strong relationship if there really is a connection happening.

Here are a few techniques to entice your acquaintance into becoming your main squeeze:

Show you were listening. Mention that band she liked on the radio when you hear they are coming to town, or turn the TV to Sportscenter when you know he missed the big game to make a few plays in the sheets.
Give compliments unrelated to sex. If she fixes you breakfast the morning after, praise her eggs and toast, even if it’s burnt or runny. This rule doesn’t necessarily apply to women. Girls, the more ego boosting in bed, the better.
Always exude confidence. You already impressed them with your amazing skills in the sack, so the only thing left to do is to wow them with your charm. Think “The Fonz.” Keep a cool, collected, aloof presence. Make your move with poise and confidence.
Avoid being clingy. Nothing will put a stop to a potential romance faster than smothering attachment. Don’t blow up his phone with calls and texts. Don’t write her a follow-up email, no matter how tempted you are to send her the link to that one website you talked about. Give yourself a good post-coital 48 hours before initiating contact.
Avoid playing games and just be yourself! If you present yourself as an honest, sincere person who can be trusted, you are more likely to rack up the brownie points than if you come off as manipulative and unreachable.

Just keep in mind that it isn’t guaranteed that you will win the heart of your brief lover if you follow every step perfectly. Some men and women avoid commitment like the flu and your charm may or may not change that. Rock the one-night stand, my friends.

How to turn a one night stand into a relationship. – by TickleSpot Magazine.

Can I send sex toys to military bases?

Matt — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 17:08:26 +0000

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Although not officially approved by the US Military or the APO/FPO, sex toys (especially Fleshlights and simple non-vibrating masturbation sleeves) are well tolerated. “Fleshlights were delivered constantly while I was deployed.” explains one Iraq Veteran. “Also if you’re living in CHU’s in battle there’s always ‘alone time’, and believe me, he won’t be embarrassed because half his platoon probably already owns one or is planning on getting one.”

All Military Post Offices (MPOs) have restrictions on items that can be sent using the APO/FPO delivery system. While there are several rules of thumb that can be referred to, individual APO/FPO zip codes have restrictions that are specific to the overseas location they serve. For the first time ever, these zip codes are now available in an online database that can be searched quickly and easily to verify any and all restrictions to overseas military bases, posts and camps.

In Iraq and Iran, sex toy and sexual devices are unacceptable off-base, but many soldiers have and use Fleshlights and other masturbation sleeves. Vibrating toys may attract too much attention, but the discreet design of the Fleshlight will likely avoid any notice.

Related “Military Sex Toy” Questions

Which Fleshlight is best for a solider?

That is a difficult question. Each man has a preference for tightness, texture, and size. Make sure the Fleshlight is his favorite penetration method (anal, vaginal, or oral) and he will fit. The only real suggestion we make is to avoid vibrating models for deployed military. If you need some help narrowing it down, here’s a great Best Fleshlight for Military Suggestions page.

Can we send sex toys to an APO or FPO?

APO stands for Army Post Office and is associated with Army or Air Force installations Worldwide. FPO stands for Fleet Post Office, and is associated with US Navy installations and ships in the United States. Most companies ship to APO and FPO.

Best Fleshlight Shipping Method for APO/FPO?

Priority Mail with the USPS is the way to go. Inexpensive, reliable, and easily tracked, it is the ideal delivery method for delivery to APO/FPO locations. Expect delivery time to vary, however, most deliveries are made quickly and in less than 5 business days. You should never choose a ground delivery option for an APO/FPO delivery, it could take up to 8 weeks, but probably will never be delivered.

Will my soldier get in trouble when I send him a Fleshlight?

Definitely tell him about it and he will likely be able to tell you quickly if it is acceptable. If you prefer to surprise him, know you are taking a risk in sending it. It may be discovered and and searched, as all APO/FPO mail may be. We encourage you to ask your soldier if it is okay to send Fleshlights. His buddies will have tried and succeeded or failed, just ask him. He’s going to be excited, don’t worry about that.

Where should I buy the Fleshlight?

We’ve found Tickle offers excellent prices on Fleshlights with very inexpensive shipping (and free for orders over $50!). Right now, the Original Fleshlight is only $45.50 and the popular Jenna Haze Lotus is just $56. Head on over and check out their selection of Fleshlights.

Is it okay to send lube with the Fleshlight or sleeve?

It is usually okay to send lube, especially small bottles. Ask him if it’s okay, it probably is fine, but make sure. Learn more about lube for Fleshlights or find a Fleshlight for your Soldier!

Can I send sex toys to military bases? – by TickleSpot Magazine.

Do’s and Don’ts of Great Sex at the Office

sherrybaby — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 17:04:00 +0000

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So you’ve been thinking about having sex at work, good for you! The workplace is, oftentimes, a very familiar environment. It is no wonder that among sexual thrill-seekers, it is usually the first stop on the list. It is very risky and your job is on the line if you are caught, but if you take a few extra precautions, a satisfying work-place fling could be in your future.

The number one rule in the game of after hours play at work is don’t get caught. Why risk your job? It is certain that if you are caught, you will be terminated, and in a worst-case scenario, charges pressed by your employer. To cover your tracks consider the following:

Don’t have sex with your boss (especially on the job). This is just a headache and should be common sense.
Don’t have sex on or near dangerous or industrial equipment, or on something you could break. Imagine telling your boss that you shattered the glass on the copy machine because you were using it as your love-making platform, or explaining to the hospital administrator why a multi-million dollar piece of equipment is broken.
DO it somewhere private such as an office with a lock or the bathroom.
DO wear something conducive to a quickie. For women, skirts and/or button-up shirts. Men, as long as you don’t wear overalls or a jumpsuit, your should be fine.
DO be safe. Condoms and birth control FTW!
DO know where your superiors are and know when to expect them if you anticipate their return.

Nothing can beat common sense and intuition when it comes to making sure your fling at work is safe and discreet. Trust your gut and make sure you can trust your partner as well. Kick off your shoes and let your hair down, at least while everyone’s out to lunch!

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Do’s and Don’ts of Great Sex at the Office – by TickleSpot Magazine.

LELO’s best vibrator – Inez

sherrybaby — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 04:52:40 +0000

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Lelo, the design standard for luxury vibrators, does it again with the Inez. Anyone in the market to buy a vibrator where money is not an issue, has surely considered this gold vibrator. The Swedish makers have always been known for using top quality materials and classic ergonomic engineering to make each luxury sex toy an experience worth the price.This Luxury Vibrator, the Inez comes packaged in a sleek, velvet-lined black box with “Lust Objectified” printed in gold lettering on the inner lid. In your hand, it will feel sleek, substantial, sturdy, and most of all, like a luxurious vibrator.

After a 2 hour charge, the 5 pre-programmed stimulation modes will excite your senses like never before. Each charge will last for 4 intense hours of pleasure before needing another charge.

But you can’t just find this Lelo vibrator in your local sex toy store. Retailing on average for $10,500 for the gold model, and $7,900 for the stainless steel, only the internet’s most exclusive sex toy stores will offer these luxury gifts.

Instead of getting her that diamond tennis bracelet, or pricey pair of earrings that she will be too afraid to wear for fear of losing, a gold or silver luxury vibrator will show that you spared no expense when purchasing her a gift that will provide endless nights of pleasure, a gift you and her can enjoy together.

She already enjoys the nicer things in life, why shouldn’t that extend into the bedroom as well?

Get the LELO Inez at Tickle.

LELO’s best vibrator – Inez – by TickleSpot Magazine.

5 Adult Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas for Her

doctormel — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 17:34:11 +0000

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Shopping for an adult gift for Valentines Day can be a pain in the ass. Chocolates & you’re boring. Flowers & you’re old-school.You are both grown ups. It’s time to be serious, act like an adult about your sexuality. Below you’ll find my top picks for Adult Valentines Day Gifts: from vibrators to leather whips, it’s time for something new.

Buy A Top Vibrator – Luxurious, lasting, fun.

You’ll find the Top 10 Vibrators and Best Vibrators feature the absolute best vibrators – and I’m not talking about the most expensive, or the biggest rip, I’m talking the best. Prices ranging from just $10 up to about $300.My personal picks are the LELO Alia (or any of the LELO), the Butterfly Kiss, and the We-Vibe 3.

Cock Rings – Vibrating Cock Rings

Once upon a time, cock rings were strictly for maintaining an erection and/or preventing premature ejaculating. Today, they’re equal parts pleasure and health. Popular today are vibrating cock rings, like these from ScreamingO and these luxurious rechargeable cock rings from LELO.

Panty Vibrator

Wildly popular right now, Panty Vibrators or Vibrating Panties (or is it Pantie Vibrators?)–vibrating panties come in several styles: panties with vibrating insert, panties with a built in vibrator, vibrating panties with a vibrator pouch, as well as vibrating thongs and remote controlled vibratorpanties.Lot’s of options, plenty of choice. Prices are lowering on these items, now ranging from about $30 to $130. My top picks for panty vibrators: OhMiBod Club Vibe 2.Oh!, Elite Vibrating Panties, or any of these vibrating panties.

Handblown Glass Dildo

If you want to give your woman pleasure and class, a handblown glass dildo by Steele Malone or Luxotiq is the way to go. A handblown glass dildo is unique, sexy and luxurious, and will provide immense pleasure in ways a vibrator can’t.

The solid glass is what feels so amazing. The firm structure is incredibly pleasing to expand around. Plus, you can find glass dildos in just about any texture and shape. The textured glass dildos are great for teasing the entry of the Vagina (where 90% of the Vagina’s nerve endings are!), and the smooth glass dildos are deliciously slick and provide deep, penetrative, and dare I say “squirty” orgasms.

Kinky – Explore a new kink.

If you want a little sugar and spice, some adventure in the bedroom could be just what the doctor ordered. Some silky scarves, a little hot wax, tickles, stings, perhaps even some nibbling. Explore the realms of pleasure and pain with your lover by trying a new kink together!

Some tools for spicy sex are: Blindfolds, Leather Cuffs, Rope, Floggers, Ticklers, Hot Massage Candles, Nipple Clamps, or Sexual Position Aids. A kinky activity with your partner can help you bond emotionally and physically and help you to discover easy ways to make your sex 10X better!

**If you are new to kinky activities, start light. Restrain just the hands with a soft scarf, maybe use a blind fold. Going at a comfortable pace is important for safety and satisfaction. It’s all about building trust when a person gives you control.

5 Adult Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas for Her – by TickleSpot Magazine.

Cock Rings – What are They Good for? Absolutely Something.

KristineEmpire — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 05:02:39 +0000

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Ah, the c-ring. Much like the endangered Mexican walking fish, you’re probably not going to enter your boyfriend’s house and find it lying on the bed.

Buying, owning and using a c-ring can be psychologically rough for some guys. This is because c-rings magically turn a not-so-hard penis into a hard penis. Men don’t deal so well with having to think about their not-so-hard penis.

All kinds of nerve-wracking issues arise: “Is my girlfriend/wife/lover satisfied with my performance?” “Does she think I’m not into her because I can’t get hard?” “My hard-on is more like a hard-off.” “Maybe my penis size is too small.” And on and on.

These creeping thoughts are probably responsible for limpness more than anything else – the more men doubt themselves, the more they start to feel like little kids giving their first piano recital, which of course makes them doubt themselves. This is what we call a positive feedback loop, although there is nothing positive about it.

C-rings are a way to break the cycle. These stretchy (or solid) bands fit snugly around the base of the penis shaft, restrict blood from flowing away from the penis and thereby make the penis harder. It’s kind of a no-brainer to me. “Hmmm… should I take this mysteriously sourced-horny goat weed, pump myself hard with a machine, or wear a comfy little ring?” The c-ring speaks for itself.

Some guys may also associate cock rings with homosexuality (you can thank Earring Magic Ken for that). Truth is, any guy can use one, there’s really no need to be gay. There are some really cool vibrating c-rings that also provide clitoral stimulation to women during sex. To recap: man gets harder, woman likes it, woman screams in ecstasy from vibrating c-ring, high-fives all around.

If you think your sex life could benefit from the introduction of a c-ring, you’ll need to carefully broach the subject with your man. It works best if he says something first, like “Hmmm. I noticed I wasn’t particularly erect as we were engaging in sexual intercourse.” And then you say, “Studies in professional medical journals have proven the efficacy of the c-ring on penile blood engorgement.” High fives all around.

If he’s got nothing to say about the issue, start out by telling him how much you enjoy making love to him and how you want to do it more often. Insert other compliments as appropriate. Then, as with the introduction of any sex toy, bring up the subject lightly. [Offhandedly]: “I read about these c-rings on the internet… I bet we could have a ton of great sex with those!”

Men like tons of great sex, and they like the fact that you are suggesting it. Make sure he understands that the promise of tons of great sex is conditional upon the purchase and subsequent use of a c-ring. Then you go online and look at c-rings together so he can choose one that doesn’t look intimidating (the hot pink 8-ear twin rabbit cock ring even intimidates me a little bit). And explain that sex will feel better for him if he’s harder, although he should know that already.

There’s an underlying issue here. I’m going to call it “penile stage fright.” C-rings can combat this tragic condition and help build his organ-based confidence. I feel a strong calling to bring this ailment to light publicly. That is why I am formally urging my congressman to support the installment of “National Love Your Penis Day.” Women aren’t the only gender to feel all weird about their bodies thanks to the media. (p.s. thank you for my job, media industry).

We’ve got National Penis Day (but only in Japan and New Zealand, and not on the same day), National Love Your Body Day and National Man Day (unfortunately scheduled on National Sneak a Kiss Day). The only logical decision is to implement National Love Your Penis Day. Possibly followed by National Love Someone Else’s Penis Day. And it could all come to fruition from the mild-mannered c-ring, the little engine that does.

Cock Rings – What are They Good for? Absolutely Something. – by TickleSpot Magazine.

Matters of the Heart: The Sexiest Symbol of All

audreyrabalais — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 04:50:06 +0000

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With Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, we must sometimes check our faces as we walk into grocery and department stores to make sure we didn’t leave home in our rose-colored glasses. Bundles of pink and red treasures line the shelves for shoppers looking to please their partners, providing countless opportunities for love-struck souls to reach out to that special someone. However, there is one symbol that for centuries has had our insides glowing, our cheeks burning and our loins tingling: the heart.

Anyone who has every slept through a high school science class knows that the human heart pumping blood through our veins looks nothing like the two mounds conjoined at a point – the shape synonymous in our time with love. So why is it that our own blood starts racing a little faster each time we see this stylized symbol? There is no certain answer, but the origins may lie in sexual evolution and ancient history.

One explanation is drawn from the writings of Pliny the Elder in his Natural History, written around 77 A.D. In it, he makes reference to the silphium concoction, also known as the laser, which is extracted from a fern like plant which had heart-shaped seeds. The plant was so revered in ancient times that these seeds were depicted on Minoan coins. Why might a seed be held in such high regard? Aside from being a tasty spice, silphium had a range of medicinal applications, not the least of which was contraception. When used in conjunction with a wool pessary or mixed into wine, Pliny tells us, silphium promoted menstruation. Listen closely and you will hear the sound of thousands of women running to the pharmacist to ask for birth control wine. Unfortunately for us, the silphium plant was so popular that it was eventually farmed out of existence. Nevertheless, the unmistakable shape of its seed, which in its time was synonymous with sex and passion, has survived to modernity.

But let’s not forget that biology and evolution have their stake in everything, and the heart symbol is no exception. Unlike the silphium plant, this possible origin of the heart symbol is still quite prevalent in society today. It is frequently suggested that the shape of a heart resembles a woman’s backside, the most essential, primal sexual image. Other female parts undeniably take the shape of the symbol as well, including the vulva and the breasts. Cleavage, anyone?

The heart symbol is accepted worldwide as a symbol of love. For those of us more historically inclined, there is tangible evidence of the heart shape occurring in silphium far back into prehistory. Those more apt to credit nature, or who just enjoy lady lumps, are satisfied in seeing the Valentine’s Day mascot in the sensual shapes of a female. Whatever the case, there is no denying, especially this time of year, that the heart symbol is rooted deep in our cultural consciousness.

Matters of the Heart: The Sexiest Symbol of All – by TickleSpot Magazine.

Olive’s Sex Toy Chest

KristineEmpire — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 14:09:28 +0000

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My sister got me books for Christmas. While the gift of a book can go either way (ONGZ best book evah!!!) or (you must hate me if you thought I’d enjoy this), she done good, I tell you what.

The 2009 Pulitzer Prize winner was under the tree (I didn’t get to it until the evening due to a massive Christmas Eve fail – yes, it will forever be the year that Mommy was too hungover to open presents). Anyway, that book was Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout, who randomly happens to be on the faculty of the graduate school I’m trying to get into next year (insert obligatory sucking-up here).

The story itself reminds me very much of Russell Banks’ Trailerpark, another collection of interwoven stories in a small, stark New England town. Quick synopsis: Olive Kitteridge is a bitch who runs off most people around her, though some people oddly like her. At some point right around menopause, she tells her husband that she’s not interested in sex anymore, and that’s that. He never had sex again because he subsequently fell victim to a stroke and died in a nursing home – but they spent many years in a sexless relationship where he didn’t cheat and she didn’t give it up.

This poses a few ethical questions, as you might imagine. What would you do if you were 60 and your monogamous forever partner told you that sex was no longer on the menu? When the spark went, should Olive’s doting husband have left the relationship? Should he have cheated? Or maybe just pushed her really hard to change her mind? No! He should have got some sex toys. But sexual repression is a powerful thing, especially once one reaches their golden years. My grandparents, God rest their souls, slept in separate rooms and didn’t seem to like each other very much, but goddamnit if they would get a divorce or buy a vibrator. Both probably seemed equally wrong to them.

The lovely aag blogged about this same horrible menopause phenomenon -what to do, what to do?

Most people don’t want to think about nursing home sex, but we all totally should. I think volunteers should bring sex toys to nursing homes, demonstrate and distribute them. Or at least direct them to Tickle’s Sex Toy Store. Though maybe I’m showing my age-biased ignorance here. Maybe older folks, whom the vibrator predates, know more about sex toys than I do.

I may have superior ninja skills, but my reporter skills are sadly lacking. That’s why I’m blogging instead of reporting, because I fail at journalism. The thought of conducting an interview makes me want to pop Klonopin, which is exactly what I did before the last interview I was forced to instigate, with a librarian no less. So I let The Medical Humanities Report and Slate do the reporting for me, and I report on that.

It breaks my heart to hear about these poor souls Dorothy and Bob. Star-crossed octogenarians with dementia is the stuff of Shakespeare. Yet the forces that be conspired to keep them apart, like the son who shouted “She had her mouth on my Dad’s penis! And it’s not even clean!”, effectively ruining their relationship and separating them forever. (Which wasn’t clean, the penis or the mouth?) Man, if I ever meet that “devoted son” he’s getting a kick to the teeth (see ninja skills previously referenced). His 95 year-old dad was healthy enough to have sex! And he cockblocked him! While Miss Olive Bitterage swore off sex decades earlier, Dorothy and Bob were happy in the sunset of their years. Until the nursing home staff were instructed to babysit them like horny teenagers until Bob was sent away.

How many of us will be as lucky as Bob and Dorothy to find sexual gratification in our old age, and how many will be unlucky enough to have it taken away by people who get creeped out by old people sex? And how many of us will wither away like Olive, letting go of sex and never looking back?

Only – Olive did look back. In the very last scene of the book, she gets in bed with another guy. She thought her lust was gone, though in fact she somehow misplaced it for decades. Get a damn vibrator, Olive! Dress up like a stripper and smear chocolate on your husband’s body, before it’s too late! Don’t wait until he’s dead and then screw another guy. What would your mother think?

Though the season of giving thanks has passed (funny we have a season for that), I am truly thankful for sex toys. Now, in my sexual peak, and then, when I’m too old to remember my lover’s name. God forbid I end up like Olive (though she sexually redeems herself in the end, she screws her husband out of sex forever), and God help me if I end up like Dorothy.

Sex toys for the elderly, all the way. I feel a new volunteer project coming on.

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Olive’s Sex Toy Chest – by TickleSpot Magazine.