My mom used the word “holla” on Facebook. There, I said it. There’s really no way to preface that statement. I guess it’s pretty cool that my mom is on Facebook in the first place (considering she just learned how to swipe her credit card at the gas pump – but more about that later). But it is decidedly uncool that she started making proclamations of this nature. She’s white, of a mature age and has never listened to hip hop or been anywhere near a ghetto. I blame my cousin for all of this.
My cousin is also white and has never been anywhere near a ghetto; however, she’s a college student, describes herself on her Facebook page as “Miss Rap Supreme” and uses the expression “holla!” after every post that involves the abuse of liquor, which is approximately 75% of her status updates (the other 25% are along the lines of “Damn, I’m hungover and I have to write a paper”). I think she fancies herself a young Gwen Stefani, but with actual homework to do. I mean, I’m glad she likes to party, and she’s of an age where she deserves to do so. She always replies very nicely to me, my mom and my sister when we comment, albeit rarely, on something she’s posted. So anyway, I like my cousin. I just generally frown on the use of “holla” by anyone, anywhere, at any time.
What precipitated my mom’s comment started with my post asking my friends to “holler at me” if they wanted to discuss something specific. As a Yankee living in the South for ten years, I have made some concessions in regards to speech and I do say things like “y’all,” “fixin to go” and “I’ll holler at you.” I enjoy colloquialisms. Sometimes. So after my mom used the dreaded word, I kindly asked her not to use it anymore. I explained the subtle difference between “holla” and “holler,” calling the latter the redneck cousin of the former (ironic, since this is all my cousin’s fault). Playing to her outdated Yankee perceptions of the south, I said it would be appropriate to “holler at me across the way if you need to use my outhouse.” To which she responded, “Holler!” To make matters worse, my mom’s friend posted next with the comment of “yo.” I headdesked and tried to forget that post existed.
So what was my mom hollering about? She learned how to swipe her credit card at the gas pump, after my numerous explanations of why it was a good idea to do so. She had seen my cousin hollering about things that she liked or was proud of, so my mom did the same. And when I put it that way, I realize that I’m guilty of the same. I’ll freely drop a “pwn” or an “interwebz” (not to mention a headdesk) because I saw someone else do it. So Mom, I’m sorry for disapproving of your use of the word “holla.” Go ahead and use it, if you want. And tell your friend that “yo” is perfectly acceptable as well. Or maybe, we could come to an amenable compromise. Everyone likes bread, so why not “challah!” instead? In fact, I’m taking this and running with it. “Making a motzi” is my new expression and will follow each of my status updates. Or I might shorten it to “motzi.” Either way, I don’t see how this could possibly go wrong. Challah!
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