Ah, the c-ring. Much like the endangered Mexican walking fish, you’re probably not going to enter your boyfriend’s house and find it lying on the bed.
Buying, owning and using a c-ring can be psychologically rough for some guys. This is because c-rings magically turn a not-so-hard penis into a hard penis. Men don’t deal so well with having to think about their not-so-hard penis.
All kinds of nerve-wracking issues arise: “Is my girlfriend/wife/lover satisfied with my performance?” “Does she think I’m not into her because I can’t get hard?” “My hard-on is more like a hard-off.” “Maybe my penis size is too small.” And on and on.
These creeping thoughts are probably responsible for limpness more than anything else – the more men doubt themselves, the more they start to feel like little kids giving their first piano recital, which of course makes them doubt themselves. This is what we call a positive feedback loop, although there is nothing positive about it.
C-rings are a way to break the cycle. These stretchy (or solid) bands fit snugly around the base of the penis shaft, restrict blood from flowing away from the penis and thereby make the penis harder. It’s kind of a no-brainer to me. “Hmmm… should I take this mysteriously sourced-horny goat weed, pump myself hard with a machine, or wear a comfy little ring?” The c-ring speaks for itself.
Some guys may also associate cock rings with homosexuality (you can thank Earring Magic Ken for that). Truth is, any guy can use one, there’s really no need to be gay. There are some really cool vibrating c-rings that also provide clitoral stimulation to women during sex. To recap: man gets harder, woman likes it, woman screams in ecstasy from vibrating c-ring, high-fives all around.
If you think your sex life could benefit from the introduction of a c-ring, you’ll need to carefully broach the subject with your man. It works best if he says something first, like “Hmmm. I noticed I wasn’t particularly erect as we were engaging in sexual intercourse.” And then you say, “Studies in professional medical journals have proven the efficacy of the c-ring on penile blood engorgement.” High fives all around.
If he’s got nothing to say about the issue, start out by telling him how much you enjoy making love to him and how you want to do it more often. Insert other compliments as appropriate. Then, as with the introduction of any sex toy, bring up the subject lightly. [Offhandedly]: “I read about these c-rings on the internet… I bet we could have a ton of great sex with those!”
Men like tons of great sex, and they like the fact that you are suggesting it. Make sure he understands that the promise of tons of great sex is conditional upon the purchase and subsequent use of a c-ring. Then you go online and look at c-rings together so he can choose one that doesn’t look intimidating (the hot pink 8-ear twin rabbit cock ring even intimidates me a little bit). And explain that sex will feel better for him if he’s harder, although he should know that already.
There’s an underlying issue here. I’m going to call it “penile stage fright.” C-rings can combat this tragic condition and help build his organ-based confidence. I feel a strong calling to bring this ailment to light publicly. That is why I am formally urging my congressman to support the installment of “National Love Your Penis Day.” Women aren’t the only gender to feel all weird about their bodies thanks to the media. (p.s. thank you for my job, media industry).
We’ve got National Penis Day (but only in Japan and New Zealand, and not on the same day), National Love Your Body Day and National Man Day (unfortunately scheduled on National Sneak a Kiss Day). The only logical decision is to implement National Love Your Penis Day. Possibly followed by National Love Someone Else’s Penis Day. And it could all come to fruition from the mild-mannered c-ring, the little engine that does.
No related posts.
About the Author
Kristine Empire is a narcissistic freelance writer in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. She likes vintage clothes, kills every plant she touches, has a phobia of grocery stores, enjoys getting shout-outs on college radio, and her favorite city in the world is Prague.
E-mail the author | Read more posts by KristineEmpire
November 23rd, 2009 → 4:46 pm @ KristineEmpire
0