So, I’m trapped up here on my bed, and I don’t mean that in a good way. Luckily, I’m in a better situation than my cat, who is yowling away while trapped in the bathroom. You see, I am the victim of an impromptu carpet cleaning courtesy of my apartment complex, and until the rug is dry and I can walk on it, this seems the very best time in the world to focus on my article.

The problem is (as it has been all week) I have no idea what to write about.

I am usually not too short on ideas, plus I’m a firm believer in the philosophy of “Write what you know.”  But have you ever felt like you just don’t know anything? When pitching silly ideas to my editor, I included that I could write about why there’s nothing in my fridge right now but an empty pizza box. I know that’s an awful idea, but honestly, I don’t know the reason behind that anomaly either. Here are some other ideas I pitched to Matt (thank goodness, he puts up with me):

• The new pedophilia scandal in the Catholic Church. After considering it’s extreme relevance, I decided I didn’t want to be depressed for the rest of the week.
• An idiot’s handbook to wine tasting. Then I realized it would actually be a handbook by an idiot about wine tasting. My palate is about as refined as a third-grader’s.
• The seven types of people that wander into nice restaurants, realize they don’t belong there, and the hijinks that ensue. That might have just turned into a diatribe on the types of people I hate to wait on. Seeing as how I have to do that four nights out of the week, there’s no need for me to re-hash it. Subsequently, it would probably bore you to tears.
• The five types of guys to avoid in bars. Scratch that, avoid all guys in bars unless they want to buy you a drink. After they do, then start avoiding them. Well, there goes that article.
• Why there’s nothing but an empty pizza box in my fridge right now. Like I said, I’m not quite sure. I can only chalk it up to my recent fit of spring cleaning. Why did I throw away all my condiments but not the pizza box? I guess I should talk to my therapist.

Judging by these, it’s time for me to start a writer’s journal. That’s right, it’s time for me to get a tiny notebook and constantly jot things into it, prompting whoever is next to me to ask, “Whatcha writing?” At which point I will look suspicious, slam shut my itty-bitty notebook (if that’s possible) and say, “Nothing.” Perhaps next week I can write an article about how many people I can alienate. Or perhaps not.

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I used to think that my mother had no impact on my fashion sense. That her sermons on how some things “never go out of style” left me unaffected and, quite frankly, determined to prove to her that the peasant look did go out of style.

Then, one day she gave me a Rolling Stones T-shirt from a tour she went to the year I was born, and that huge-mouthed icon was like a key to a secret door: it unlocked the hidden truth of just how much my mother influenced my style.

I’ve only recently gotten used to it, the fact that the sound of my mother’s pumps tip-tapping on the hardwood floors in the morning and her insistence on dressing me in outfits like pink gingham rompers (Do want! Size 6, please!) as a child have formed my fashion sense. My dress rack now grows in fractions that she could appreciate, and as I grow more and more like my mother, it’s not hard to admit that she’s always looked good.

I was recently reminded of just how many women take inspiration from their mothers when Urban Outfitters featured a contest called “Original Icon,” where urbanites tweeted vintage pictures of their mothers to the Urban Outfitter Twitter for the chance to win a trip, or a gift card, if their mom’s super hot.

The feature took inspiration from Piper Weiss’s blog My Mom, The Style Icon, which features pictures of stylish mothers of old. The pictures are beautiful, with long-legged, bare-bellied women smiling and having fun or looking fierce, not knowing that their daughters would look at that photo decades later and think, “I wonder if that dress is in storage, it’s cute!”

In Piper’s interview with UO, she says “It’s a lot easier to look like your mom—a woman who busted her ass and got creative with her wardrobe on a minimal budget—than to look like Nicole Richie or Naomi Campbell who have access to couture. I also think looking at pictures from the past tips you off as to where designers and fashion starlets get their sensibilities.”

And she hit the nail on the head. Vintage fashion dictates the style of today, and using your mother’s style as a guide is a simple method that will get down to the roots of your fashion likes and dislikes.

Her jewelry, her shoes, her dresses and pants and hairstyle, everything your mother wears today may be a far cry from your wardrobe. But if you look a little further into the past, if you find pictures of her at the age when she first snagged your father, you may find a glowing version of your mother that looks a lot like you, wearing a dress you would be proud to sport.

Check out Piper’s blog for more tips on how to invite your mother’s style into your closet.

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Last week I was unwillingly bitten by the Spring-Cleaning Bug and I’ve been feeling it’s effects ever since. Cleaning, for me, is a battle of extremes where there is no middle ground. I am either not cleaning, or I’m on my knees cursing the new sponge I bought that is too bulky to clean the tiny crevices in my baseboards.

Now my kitchen counter is neatly lined with every cleaning product that caught my obsessive eye over the past couple weeks. It’s quite a sight. Many-textured sponges for various purposes (dishes, bathtub, walls, baseboards), three spot treatments for my carpet (in case two don’t work or I decide to use them all together), trash bags (scented and unscented), probably every Swiffer product on the market….the

list goes on.  I stood in one Wal-Mart aisle for ten minutes agonizing whether I should purchase the Pledge furniture polish specifically for “dust and allergens” or the one labeled “Protection Plus.” Would it be prudent to get both, and use one after the other? Or were they actually the exact same product in different colored aerosol cans? I must have looked upset because a Wal-Mart employee snuck up behind me and quietly asked if I was okay. Startled, I barked that I was fine and snatched the blue can, deciding it would at least add a pop of color under my kitchen sink. It seemed logical at the time, but now I wonder what future houseguest will investigate my cupboards then compliment me on the cheery color palette of my cleaning products.

Regardless of my personal oddities, spring cleaning is a national phenomenon that cannot be ignored. Google the phrase and you’ll find tips on how to get started, get your family involved, organize a garage sale, and make your own cleaning products. “Spring cleaning” even has it’s own Wikipedia page. But despite all this, spring cleaning does not have a definitive origin.

It’s been suggested that before the vacuum cleaner, spring was the best time to dust because windows could be opened for air circulation but insects were not yet a an issue. Also, the days are longer and provide more daylight by which to see the true horror of your mess. Jewish Passover falls in either March or April and the house is traditionally cleaned and rid of all leavened bread (including crumbs). During the Chinese New Year it is time to physically sweep out bad luck and misfortune. My favorite, by far, credits spring cleaning to the Dark Ages when livestock would be brought inside the house to keep from freezing and put back out to pasture when it became warmer. If livestock in the house doesn’t warrant a good cleaning, I don’t know what does.

I have never kept livestock in my apartment but I’m sitting here looking at the plethora of cleaning products crowding my kitchen counter, and I think I’d have enough to do damage if a herd of cows had spent a winter here. Thankfully, for now it’s just me….and the baseboards.

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Pornography usually leaves a sour residue in my brain, unless I’m laughing at its hilarity. It’s not so much the naked strangers as it is the attitude and subject matter of most porn: humiliation and manipulation of women. It’s not a turn-on to watch fellow females get used, slapped around, and controlled by men, their fake boobs jiggling about with blank wide eyes set above them. But that’s because that kind of pornography, a genre that includes most of the porn on the market, isn’t targeted towards me, a woman.

The Web site www.forthegirls.com is giving erotica and porn a new look, one that, like its name suggests, actually appeals to girls. The site publishes diverse material like erotic fiction and articles, sexy centerfolds titled “The Hottest Men Get Naked” and even hardcore porn movies. You can choose your fantasy, from “group sex at a party” to “romance and passion,” get sex advice, and look at pictures and videos where “women come first.”

The FAQ page on the site explains “two women who passionately believe in what we do” run the site. With not even a glimpse of manjuice anywhere in the tour, I’m not surprised that women run it. They go on to write:

“We do our best to ensure the female point of view is given priority. Everything is geared towards female pleasure and female fantasy. In a practical sense it means we create our own content that reflects that female viewpoint, and it also means that we present existing photos, videos and movies according to what turns us on and what we feel our members would enjoy. We’re always looking for something different, something that depicts the spectrum of human sexuality in a positive way.”

Finally! Someone gets it!

None of the content on the site is derogatory, it’s sexy and delicate (if that’s what you want), dirty and raunchy or just plain steamy. There’s so much content on the site that it’s easy to look past the burly foreign man on the “sexy centerfolds,” click around a little bit and find what just what you’re looking for.

The guys are cute (well, most of them. Sorry, I’m picky!), the topics are fun, and the material is much more tasteful and arousing than any porn I’ve ever seen. While the $29.95 first-month fee and $24.50 per-month charge after that are a little steep, this site is promoting an idea that hasn’t really been explored before.

Thanks to this site, you don’t ever have to get excited while watching a sexy movie only to see that the leading dude is now choking the girl out in a strange turn of events, and she seems to like it. Yes, no more watching rape porn on accident.

Forthegirls.com offers erotica without the frills, porn without the offense, dudes without their clothes (and girls too, if you like a little lesbian action!). Add one of the toys from this trustworthy toy shop and you’re set. Don’t forget to thank me.

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Before the advent of Facebook and other social utility sites, all relationships had two basic dimensions: in-person or over-the-phone communication. It was simple, and though AOL Instant Messenger connected us online, there were no real rules to follow. There wasn’t a need for rules in that era, but with Facebook’s insane popularity over the years, new manners and etiquette come into play. And with over 350 million people logging onto the site each month, you can bet the rules are often broken.

As a mode of harassment, an outlet for embarrassing pictures or a simple way to stay in contact with friends, Facebook can be either a weapon or a tool. Follow these five rules and you’ll have a successful online presence; beware the consequences if you break them.

1. Don’t friend anyone who shouldn’t know your secrets.

Your boss, your mother, your boyfriend’s grandmother and your English Composition 2 professor all have something in common: They don’t belong in your Facebook friend list. Steer clear from adding these people unless you have a rare relationship that can’t be made awkward from posts like “I can’t believe I let him do that last night!” showing up on their news feed. If someone in this group adds you, you can either deny them and say that it’s for your personal use or feed your heart to the wolves and add them. If you choose to add, make sure you censor your posts and remember to un-tag unsavory pictures of yourself. Don’t say I didn’t warn you when Daddy sees the pictures of the party that took place while he was out of town.

2. Don’t post whatever you’re thinking at the moment; use a little discretion.

The “What’s on your mind?” text in the update box doesn’t mean “say anything you want.” You must be careful in posting your thoughts, because Facebook makes them public. If you called in sick to work, don’t post that you’re going to the mall to buy some new shoes. You’ll probably get fired. If you’re going out for the night, don’t post that your house is empty. You may get robbed. These are silly mistakes, but you must use supreme caution not to make them. Re-read your posts and make sure nothing harmful can surface from your words.

3. Don’t use somebody’s Facebook page to harass them.

“The worst thing I’ve experienced is some pretty harsh cyber harassment,” said Paul Reynolds, the administrator for the Facebook Etiquette group. “An ex-girlfriend teamed up with a bunch of people and harassed anyone who looked like they may be close to me. That was horribly unclassy. The new privacy settings have helped make this manageable, but really it’s more a reflection on the person doing the harassing than anyone else.”

Harassing someone over Facebook may seem like easy revenge, but it can only do more damage. If you have unfinished business with someone, confront them about it in the real world. Facebook isn’t the right outlet for you to get vindictive.

4. Don’t leak your relationship drama onto your Facebook.

If you’re in a relationship with someone, don’t end it over Facebook. That’s just rude, but the rules change after a break-up. There’s a cruel period where the dump-er and the dump-ee wait to see who will change their status to “single” first. Don’t play that game. If you break up with someone, make it official on Facebook too.

If you’re happily involved with someone, don’t obsess over a picture comment or a wall post on his/her page, because the only good thing that came from that kind of envy is this hilarious video.

5. Don’t use your Facebook to meet/stalk new people.

The point of having a Facebook is to stay updated with your friends’ lives. It’s not a forum to meet new people, and it shouldn’t be treated that way. Don’t add people you don’t know, because it’s kind of creepy. If you want to lurk someone’s life, get a Myspace.

Like a handshake that never seems to end, Facebook can be embarrassing and infuriating. Consequently, if you play by the rules, it can be entertaining and enjoyable. Have some manners, use your common sense and discretion and the ‘book will treat you well.

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I’m sure you’ve heard by now, we’re looking for guest writers and one awesome coordinator to help Tickle grow. We want to involve the community that has provided us amazing support so far by offering this space to you all! We welcome bloggers, writers, journalists, and all kinksters!

I’m sure you’re wondering, “Will I get paid?”. No. As we’ve (sadly) recently been discussing via Twitter, Tickle is broke. But! We’re growing every day and this isn’t some fly-by-night operation, we’re all in it for the long haul (even if we have to sell our kidneys to make it work!). Without further ado, the positions and their wondrous benefits!

Guest Authors or “Contributors”

Feel moved to write about something sexual? Don’t we all. We’re accepting contributors for articles on sexuality, society, culture, adult shopping, lifestyles, and personal adventure, and (of course!) erotica.

Benefits:

• Lots of readers! We receive about 2,000 unique visitors per day (we’ve had a 25% increase in traffic each month since our inception and we’re still growing)!
• Affiliate cash. Feel free to include affiliate links in your posts to Tickle products!
• A profile here on TickleSpot. We’ll help you craft an awesome contributor profile for our website with links to your own website!
• Gift Cards for Tickle! Top posts each week will receive gift cards for Tickle and other retailers!
• Free stuff! Establishing yourself with TickleSpot will increase the value and number of products available to you in our review program!
• Exposure! We know every top adult retailer checks and reviews this website at least once a week!

Director or Managing Editor

Have experience working with lots of people? Excellent! We’re looking for someone to keep this machine running smoothly! We figure it will require about an hour of your time each day to sort things out and post new articles.

Benefits:

• Experience! Here’s a chance to manage dozens of writers and get your foot in the door.
• Free stuff! That new toy you’ve got your eye on? Yours. A Free Stuff Budget and huge discounts on everything we sell.
• Contacts. Develop contacts inside and outside of the adult industry.
• Traffic bonus each week for increases in traffic and overall growth. We’ll cut you a check once a month based on how much traffic has increased and the overall growth of the magazine.
• Have something in mind? We’re pretty open about things, feel free to comment with your suggestions.

I’ve just written this up in a few minutes, so they’re are probably some mistakes and corrections. Please let me know in the comments.

To be considered, please submit your information below.

cforms contact form by delicious:days

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I avoid the dentist at all costs. The sound of the metal instruments scraping against my teeth is worse to me than the proverbial nails on a chalkboard; the dentist always seems so judgmental, and I’ve never once left without bleeding gums from some floss-happy nurse. Besides, doesn’t it seem contradictory to pay someone to make you miserable? As an adult, I should be ashamed to say this, but if I don’t have someone looking over my shoulder I’ll do just about anything to cancel last minute.

“I’m really sorry, I know I’m supposed to be there in fifteen minutes, but, um….my car battery died,” I’ll say as I’m weaving in and out of traffic.

I think it has something to do with my braces, although I’d never go back and say I wish I’d never had them. I had gaps between every tooth, vampire fangs, and according to my dentist, an upper jaw too small to accommodate all the dental work to come. If I’d been born in the Middle Ages I wouldn’t have lasted long. Between my awful teeth and my bad eyesight I would have been cast out of society as a witch or kindly suffocated in my sleep before long.

I had braces for four years, along with a palate expander: a lovely little device that slowly separated the plates in the roof of my mouth and widened my jaw. After I had them taken off my junior year of high school I didn’t set foot inside a dentists’ office for almost nine years. When I’m stressed, I dream I have braces again and wake up with my mouth aching. It’s clearly a phobia of mine, similar to my paralyzing fear of The Kraken and other mammoth deep-sea creatures. Only my fear of the dentist clearly seems more rational.

Apparently, I’m not alone. There are actually dentists out there

that specialize in patients that suffer from dental phobia and dental anxiety. It’s estimated that almost 75% of Americans suffer from some sort of dental fear, with women generally reporting more dental fear than men.  Overall, it’s approximated that 9% to 18% of

Americans suffer a serious phobia of some sort, ranging from the fear of confined spaces (claustrophobia) to the fear of bald people (peladophobia) or the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth (arachibutyrophobia). It seems every fear is worthy of a scientific sounding name. Here are some that seemed unusually reasonable…

• Anuptaphobia: the fear of staying single
• Atychiphobia: the fear of failure
• Eleutherophobia: fear of freedom
• Gerascophobia: fear of getting old
• Nyctophobia: fear of the dark
• Pentheraphobia: fear of mothers-in-law

On the a less serious note we have…

• Bolshephobia: fear of Bolsheviks
• Geniophobia: fear of chins
• Ithyphallophobia: fear of seeing, thinking about, or having an erect penis
• Omphalophobia: fear of belly buttons
• Proctophobia: fear of rectums
• Zemmiphobia: fear of the great mole rat

There are many websites devoted to phobias that do not yet have scientific names such as the fear of insects crawling into your ears, a shark attacking you in the bathtub, buttons, flatulence, and spontaneous human combustion. All I know is that paralyzing and seemingly irrational fear is real…so where does it come from?

Most scientists conclude that phobias are learned. We experience an unpleasant or scary situation at a young age and it is literally forever imprinted in our brain. The original emotional response creates a sense memory that is linked through our nerves, and this is essentially where phobias originate. Whether we can pinpoint the experience that birthed our fear is irrelevant. It’s actually quite common to be unable to remember that memory, and occasionally the tactic of memory recall is applied to patients in therapy for their phobias. For brave souls, desensitizing is also a favored method of phobia therapy that simply involves continuous exposure to whatever triggers your fear. Those with a debilitating fear of snakes are encouraged to start handling snakes frequently. Those who are afraid of clowns are told to go to the circus.

Luckily, I know exactly why I hate going to the dentist, but I can’t pinpoint the origin of my fear of sea monsters like the Kraken. I just know that wood-cut engravings of huge sea creatures devouring ships horrify me, and when I’m at the beach I keep my eyes peeled when looking toward the horizon. Did I see something in the ocean that scared me as a child? Was I frightened by an octopus at the zoo? Unless I go into therapy I suppose I’ll never know, but until I’m stuck on a ship with no land in sight I think I can keep this particular phobia in check.

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I’ve always considered myself an outspoken, independent woman but I’ve never referred to myself as a “feminist.” To me, the word is slightly outdated. It conjures stereotyped images of hairy-legged, bra-burning man-haters intent on never wearing mascara, striding forth in unattractive boots to scare men into the idea of gender equality. In the 90’s “feminism” was repackaged as “girl-power,” which I also never really subscribed to. It had the same vibe a clothing line would if it were produced by Hot Topic and Lilly Pulitzer: lots of pastel flowers trying to be hardcore. It didn’t emphasize gender equality so much as independence through gender identity. That sounds just fine, except it also mass-interpreted the female identity as obsessed with the color pink, spiked choker necklaces,, and The Spice Girls. I mean, I knew girls who fit that description perfectly…but they were all in middle school.

On that note, I was reading this month’s issue of Elle magazine and I came across a review for a new book: “Enlightened Sexism: The Seductive Message That Feminism’s Work Is Done.” My first thought was, “That’s quite a long title,” quickly followed by, “I’m intrigued!” The author is Susan J. Douglas, a communications professor at The University of Michigan, and the review itself was mostly neutral. It simply explained the book’s premise: how false representations of women in the media are “peddling false ‘fantasies of power’ that make men anxious and keep women complacent.” Apparently, Douglas points a finger at television shows, magazines, advertisements, and even Oprah. The whole premise sounded like a conspiracy theory…so I had to know more.

Douglas explains in her book that there are two types of remaining sexism: enlightened sexism and embedded sexism. Enlightened sexism is a relatively new development. It is a manufacturing process produced by the media that takes the progress made by the women’s movement then throws it into retrograde. Women have the freedom to do anything now, so let’s focus on how most women prefer to be sex objects and define themselves by the clothes they wear, the amount of shopping they do, and the men they are with. In this category, Douglas skewers shows like The Bachelor, The Real World, and The Jersey Shore because of their depiction of women. These shows, she says, quietly insist on being viewed with a tongue-in-cheek sense of irony: “Look at these silly women making fools of themselves! Of course, women aren’t really like that…are they?”

Embedded sexism, Douglas explains, is the result of the 60’s and 70’s when feminism was not mainstream and therefore more thoughtfully considered. Now, the goals and achievements of women are seen as a given, subtly implying we no longer need to demand gender equality because we already have it. Even though we don’t. For those that would argue that matter, Douglas makes some intriguing points. Currently, freshly-graduated college females who join the workforce begin by making 80 cents to every man’s dollar. Ten years down the road, that will decrease to 69 cents. Not to mention the other decreases found amongst the African-American and Latina female populations. Also, out of the top 500 companies identified in 2008, only 15 of them had female CEO’s. The top jobs held in 2008 by women were secretaries, registered nurses, elementary school and middle school teachers. I initially found that information shocking, even though deep down, I believe I knew those facts already. That revelation demanded I give Douglas some points. It is too easy to forget statistics like those and fall into complacency.

On the other hand, that doesn’t mean I’m totally sold on the idea of enlightened sexism. I can see a glimmer of truth in Douglas’ claims against the media, but essentially it feels like a never-ending round of the Blame Game. It’s just too easy to pinpoint the media and say they are encouraging gender stereotyping…who hasn’t done it? But also, the women on those reality shows are real women, not robots. No one twisted their arms or shoved needles under their fingernails to get them to go on television and act superficial. Those grown women decided to do that all on their own. Technically, it’s not the media perpetuating a stereotype of women, it’s women perpetuating a stereotype of women. And you know what, I still find those shows entertaining. Besides, we forget that there are plenty of reality shows that perpetuate negative stereotypes of men as being big, dumb, sex-obsessed Neanderthals. Going back to Douglas’ statistics on the jobs held by women in 2008: what were the top jobs held by men? Well, they were electricians, automotive mechanics, and postal service clerks. Hardly more glamorous than the jobs held by women. Besides, most of the women I know would much rather be a secretary than an electrician. There are two sides to every coin, and if we are going to target an entire industry for sexism, let’s do it for real and for the benefit of both genders.

I have one more bone to pick with Douglas. For someone with views so strong and well-defined, she fails to offer any advice to women on how to move forward and fight the sexism that still exists. Her only advice (see her interview with Time Magazine) is to “be indignant.” Honestly, that is the worst advice I’ve ever heard. That advocates blaming the media instead of questioning it, sitting back and fuming while we do nothing. As far as I can see, progress comes one woman at a time. Every woman who finds herself in a sexist situation and finds a way to handle it gracefully is progress. Every woman who isn’t being paid equal rates because of her gender that tries to take a stand is progress. The Elle book review I commented on earlier had one more pertinent thing to say which I will close with: “(Douglas) doesn’t give enough credit to the women-run blogs that have already embraced this challenge.”

This is why I write.

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An Oscar is the perfect compliment to any actress’ career, but if the Academy Award is for the “best actress” category, (awarded as “performance by an actress in a leading role”) it can, somehow, be the kink in the chain that holds that actress’ romance together.

It doesn’t make sense, and the number of men who can’t admit that their lovers might be better than them is ridiculous. But in Hollywood, love is war. Bring your guns.

This heartbreak trend is called the Oscar love curse, and it dates back to the day that Helen Hunt thanked her boyfriend Hank Azaria onstage in 1998. They were married and divorced within the year, causing heads to spin and a curse to take form.

The curse most recently manifested itself this year, when Sandra Bullock won the award for her 2009 performance in “The Blindside.” Though this should be the most proud year of her life, her picture is on the front page because her husband betrayed her with this hussy, not because she’s on top of Hollywood. She’s too good for him anyway, in my opinion, and no one deserves to have the rug swept out from under them like that. She didn’t even get a chance to bask in her own glory before checking into the Heartbreak Hotel!

Kate Winslet, Reese Witherspoon, Gwyneth Paltrow and Halle Berry are all victims of the curse, among others, having won the prestigious award only to find their love lives crumbling shortly after. What a bass-ackwards state of affairs. These gorgeous, supremely talented women should not have to sacrifice their love and personal needs to have a career in Hollywood, but some weak men can’t stand being less successful than their partners. Tsk, tsk.

If these women wanted to be stay-at-home moms, so be it. But they didn’t. They chose a life that showcased their talent, and along with it their scandal. They want (and deserve) love just like the rest of us, and maybe they just have to get out of the Valley to find it. I know plenty of suitable men who would loyally love a woman like Reese Witherspoon or Halle Berry until the day she dies.

Instead of winning an Oscar and losing the love these women merit, the love curse should be redefined as a myth. Nothing about advancing a talented actress’ career should curse her, and the tired men who are too daft to appreciate their wives’ gifts can keep the D-listers they seem to favor so much.

Leading ladies, dump the bastards. Take a little advice from Beyonce and put everything he owns in a “box to the left.” And try to avoid the triflin’ sadists who can’t appreciate your beauty and talent next time.

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What is it Sarah Palin really wants: the presidency or network prime-time? She has now secured one of these goals, and it’s the option that is least hair-raising, if only by a little bit.

Discovery Communications and A&E both showed interest in airing “Sarah Palin’s Alaska,” but Discovery won the fight and will air the $1 million-per-episode show. That’s right. Discovery, the same channel that just premiered the groundbreaking series “Life” will air a reality show with Sarah Palin as the guide.

The show is said to be a travelogue show that will “center on interesting characters, traditions and attractions in the 49th state.”

After her stint on The Tonight Show, where her only entertaining moments occurred when she was making fun of herself, I wonder what lengths Palin will go to make “Alaska” a show worth watching.

They could probably just air her pitch for the series and entertain me. I can only imagine that there was a helicopter ride involving network bigwigs, with Sarah Palin yelling over the propellers:

“See, Alaska is top-notch! Oh, look! That’s where I shot my first wolf! And that field is where I first thought up the ‘Drill, baby, drill!’ slogan! Yuk, yuk, yuk!”

But that’s most likely what the show will be like anyway.

With “Survivor” and “The Apprentice” producer Mark Burnett on her team, it’s a wonder that CBS and NBC declined their homeboy Burnett’s idea. Maybe the execs realized that Palin’s presence on this show is going to open a huge can of worms. A political figure hosting a reality TV show? Maybe America’s founding fathers should have drawn the line between state and idolatry too, because this is getting ridiculous.

While I’m sure that even an idiot could make the Alaskan bush look like the wondrous natural beauty it is, I am not sure that this is the best move for Discovery. Maybe they’re figuring that the ratings of fanatical Repubs and people who love to watch Sarah Palin fail will be enough to keep the ship afloat.

What do you think about Discovery’s latest move? Will you watch “Sarah Palin’s Alaska?”

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