When I was a kid, my mom used to get these catalogs that sold just about everything under the sun, or so it seemed back then. I loved to look at the jewelry, the girly, personalized accessories and the weird gizmos and gadgets, like alarm clocks that gave you the weather report for Singapore.
I always used to see these women’s back massagers that didn’t make sense. They were long and thin, and the models were always bending their arms back over their heads to demonstrate how the product worked. How would that thing help your back, I wondered? It was too small and skinny, and who could reach the spot that hurt with that stupid thing? Total ripoff, I thought.
I’m a little older now and have discovered the meaning behind these “back massagers.” At first it was kind of funny, that women were so worried about discretion that their very vibrators were advertised in ways that belied their true purpose. And now that I’m older still, I see why. What if you leave one sitting out when your in-laws come over for dinner? What do you do when your kids come up to you asking “mommy, what is this for?” And then there’s the TSA, dumping out your bags at the airport… ugh, how embarrassing.
Hence the need for discretion. Gone are the days of print catalogs with vibrators disguised as back massagers. There are some wonderfully creative intimate products on the market today that will help you hide your vibrator. There’s the Lina, a real pen with a secret vibrator stashed inside, and the Strawberry Pulsabath, a delicious little sponge to stash near the bathtub. Big Teaze Toys makes a line of vibrators disguised as cute toys, including penguins, rubber duckies and cartoon worms. Maybe not the best way to hide your vibrator if you’re a mom, but they’re great for travel, even if security makes you empty your luggage in front of the metal detector. And then there’s the lovely Lily, from LELO. Beautifully rounded and looking nothing like a traditional vibrator, this is one you could leave out on the coffee table and visitors will think it’s modern art. If you’re especially daring, small vibrating eggs or bullets can be inserted and controlled remotely for truly on-the-go pleasure – anywhere from the train to the club. Try the 7 Function Wireless Remote Egg – the added enjoyment here is that a partner can control its movement from across the room, making for a fun and unpredictable night out or a naughty workplace game.
Moms, recycle those ancient catalogs and take a look at what’s new. I think you’ll find yourself pleasantly surprised.
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