An Open Letter from the Itty Bitty Titty Committee in Defense of Australia’s Small-Breasted Sisters

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Dear Australia,

I have a bone to pick. As a cabinet member of the IBTC, that’s Itty Bitty Titty Committee to you, your “classification board” (i.e. national censorship organization) has overstepped a few boundaries.

It was rumored that women with small breasts were banned from being in pornographic films or publications in your country. I now understand that is not the case, but a spokesperson for the Australian Classification Board (whose director is, suspiciously, Donald McDonald) told the “Somebody Think of the Children” blog that “publications which contain offensive depictions or descriptions of persons who are or appear to be persons under the age of 18 must be classified RC,” or Refused Classification. This means that any adult film, computer game or publication with “offensive” depictions of persons who are or “appear to be” under 18 will not be given rights of publication, and therefore will not be released.

Fiona Patten from the Australian Sex Party then said that “the underdeveloped nature of the model’s breasts” was cited as a reason to refuse classification numerous times.

Underdeveloped nature, eh?  It’s phrases like “underdeveloped” that keep fully grown women dreaming that one day they will gain more womanly curves, that their bodies are somehow inadequate or sub-par.

As a woman with a couple of bee stings on her chest, it doesn’t bother me that I won’t be able to be in an adult publication in Australia. The pea under my mattress is the fact that, in attempting to keep child pornography illegal, your classification board has alienated a normal group of women, a group of women who belong to the IBTC. Just because we have small breasts (and damn proud!) doesn’t mean that we look like children, or that sexy (“offensive,” as the board put it) pictures of us arouse perverts looking for child porn.

We, the IBTC hierarchy, are hereby denouncing Australia as our former “best place to scoop a hubby.” Your country will remain in our books, from this day on, as the country where we remain childlike because of our natural figures. We may even black out the country on our office globe so it will look as insignificant as you have made some of us feel.

I stand firm in saying, on behalf of the small-breasted women of the world, that there are more people than perverts who enjoy our itty bitties. Ask my boyfriend.

We must be proud of our bodies! And your classification system is saying that Australian women with small breasts are juvenile and undeveloped, that you will not publish adult pictures of them for fear of perverts looking for child porn. Tsk, tsk.

Beyond the insults of your claims, the rest of the higher-ups at the IBTC and I personally invite any of the women you estranged to comment in the space provided below. We want to assure these women that, as small-breasted as they are, the Itty Bitty Titty Committee stands strong to fight for our A-cup sexiness to be recognized.

Never wavering,

Melissa Howard

Secretary of the IBTC

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About the Author

Melissa Howard is a Tickle Spot intern and freelance writer/editor working from Pensacola, Florida. She can’t stop biting her nails, loves winking at strangers, has tattoos you’ll never know about, and enjoys her nightmares. Take her to Disneyworld and she'll regress a decade.

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