Le Review: LELO Nea

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Here’s what I said when I first saw the LELO Nea: “Awww, it’s a vibrator for little people! How thoughtful.” Like from the pictures, you wouldn’t know how small it is, which is precisely 3” by 4” by 2”. Yeah, it says that on the website, but I’m not a mathematically visual person. Clearly many bullets are smaller than Nea, so I don’t know why I was so surprised. I guess because of all the raving fans LELO, and Nea in particular, have generated. Big praise seems like it would equal big vibrator, but in fact it does not.

So what’s good about it? First, it’s the prettiest vibrator I’ve ever seen. I know, I know – why does that matter? Because it makes me want to buy it more. The prettier it is, the more I can justify spending $89 on it. Nea comes in this beautiful black box that you can use to store jewelry, regift something to your mom, or whatever. What else is in the box? A one year warranty, an owner’s manual, a charger cord (more about that in a minute) and of course, the tiny little beautiful vibrator itself. Wait, a one year warranty? Who makes sex toys with warranties? LELO does! Many sex toys are not designed to last – clearly, this one is.

First things first: plug it in. You heard me, no batteries in this vibrator! Use the wall charger to plug it in right next to your cell phone. A two hour charge gives seven hours of action – just make sure it turns off and stays off when not in use. The best way to do that is to enable the locking feature – hold down the two buttons simultaneously for 5 seconds and it locks – again, much like a cell phone. This is great because it won’t randomly turn itself on when the contents of your purse shift. Oh yeah – when I wrote one of my many gift guides, I included this awesome garden charging station, which would be absolutely perfect for charging your cell and your Nea.

So there’s these two buttons. Frankly, the buttons are my least favorite thing about Nea. This is one vibrator you definitely need the instruction manual to operate. The buttons are unlabeled, but one is “plus” and one is “minus.” Plus turns the Nea on, and each subsequent push increases the intensity. When it gets to full speed, the plus button turns into pulse control, where there’s five pulse types to choose from. The minus button goes from pulse mode to continual vibration mode – touch it again and it turns off.  There’s a small LED light around the buttons to help you see what you’re doing. I mean, it gets easier to navigate once you’ve messed with it for a while, but at first it’s fairly confusing.

So what’s good about Nea? Lots of things. First of all, it’s quiet. Really quiet! You can use it during partner sex because it rests conveniently and perfectly on your clitoral area. It also fits perfectly in your hand, so you don’t get that weird crampy holding-your-vibrator-for-too-long wrist feeling. It’s lightweight. Really lightweight! That combined with its size and the locking mechanism makes Nea an ideal travel companion. It totally holds a charge. I mean, 7 hours of use off a 2 hour charge? How long would it take you to use a vibrator for 7 hours? Wait, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know. It depends on your level of orgasm addiction. But even if you’re 100% nympho, one charge will still last longer than one set of batteries. And do I even need to say that Nea doesn’t look like a vibrator? You could leave it on the coffee table when company drops by and no one would bat an eyelash – except maybe your aunt who has a secret sex toy collection to rival Imelda’s shoes.

Now, Nea does not come cheap. But what good things in life do? Nea costs around $90, and in some ways is the “next step down” from the LELO Lily. However, the main difference between these two is the exterior finish – Nea is plastic with a porcelain-like texture, while Lily is silicone with a more silky feel. However, Nea actually glides better across your clitoral area, which I prefer. The texture is subjective, but Nea is my choice in that department (saves you $40 too).

For some, Nea might not provide quite the oomph expected. I can definitely see how some women would want a more powerful vibrator, but that is not the case for me. If Nea’s not quite got the juice you want, try lying on your stomach on top of Nea. Your body weight will bring you closer to the vibrations and their beautiful, beautiful conclusion.

My verdict? Get LELO Nea. If all women had one, the world would be such a nicer place. What? I’m just saying. Not having orgasms makes us crabby. OK, it makes me crabby. And with all the stuff I have to do this week to prepare for holiday madness, I can float through my crazy days a little easier – Nea style.

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About the Author

Kristine Empire is a narcissistic freelance writer in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. She likes vintage clothes, kills every plant she touches, has a phobia of grocery stores, enjoys getting shout-outs on college radio, and her favorite city in the world is Prague.

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