The season when the shadows shorten, the days get longer and nature stirs is approaching: Spring. Our planet is increasing its tilt toward the sun as we speak, and the snow, frost and ice will soon lose the battle between the two warring seasons.
If you’re scratching your head, thinking “Spring?” and trying to remember the sweet smell of honeysuckle, fear not. March 20, the first day of spring this year, is just around the corner. As the flowers start to bloom and the grass turns green again, your body will reject winter’s slow death and start to wake up too, physiologically, sexually and mentally.
And then the fever hits. Spring fever has many symptoms: a yearning to go mad with love, restlessness, intense nervous excitement, haywire hormones. While spring fever isn’t a medical affliction, it is a real phenomenon that has been studied and proved by scientists.
It’s about time for things to warm up, and I can’t wait to catch the fever. If there’s still snow on the ground in your neighborhood, fret not. That just means you have more time to prepare for your body’s alarm clock to ring! Don’t worry, your hibernation time is almost over. Here’s five tips on how to make the most out of spring fever when it hits.
1. Shed any winter depression and embrace the fever.
Seasonal Affective Disorder is most closely linked with winter, the season when nature gets covered up and dies. It affects everyone to a certain degree, though there are those who are devastated by depression in the winter months. Those days are almost over, and a little sunshine thawing out your bones will naturally boost your mood. It’s scientifically proven. Just as you shed your despair, you should accept the desires that come with spring. Your biological clock, known as the suprachiasmatic nucleus, gives you more energy as the days become longer. We have more energy, are more sexually engaged, and it’s only natural, so embrace it!
2. When enthralled with love, use caution. Better yet, use protection.
Alfred Lord Tennyson wrote “In spring a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love.” This is obviously a classic case of spring fever. In a biology book titled Mammalian Sexual Biology by Frank Bronson, mammals were observed following a seasonal mating pattern. You and I are just as much mammal as the next anthropoid. Spring is prime mating season in the animal world, and our bodies are included in that realm. It’s only natural for our loins to rouse at the sight of a handsome young dude, but we must be smarter than our animal brethren and be safe in our feverish exploits, not become boy-crazy fiends. I’ll spell it out. Use a condom.
3. Revamp last year’s warm-weather wardrobe.
It’s time to take your short-shorts and sandals out of the boxes in the attic. Even though it may hurt to look at all the cute stuff you won’t be able to wear for another month or so, it’s important to be prepared! Start with the basics: swimsuits, shorts, tank tops, t-shirts. Go crazy with sexy underwear, because you never know who will see them. Spring collections are just starting to hit the racks, but if you’re more gifted in the style department than in the wallet, think of ways to spice up the clothes you already have. Add a stud belt around last year’s dress, or a sun hat from the thrift store to your tube-top-and-shorts ensemble. It’s all about looking and feeling good when you have spring fever, so indulge yourself.
4. Maintain your body.
Get out the razor and shave those winter legs. Tame the parts of your body that haven’t seen daylight since last summer, since they’re about to beg to be shown. I’m self-medicating the fever by buying a new razor and a “ready betty” kit by Betty Beauty, and by stocking up on my nail polish colors. For those of you eager to develop a “base tan,” break out the self tanner, but please, be careful not to overdo it and color yourself orange. Even I, a deliberately pale chick, can understand the desire to look like a golden goddess for spring, but you don’t want to start off the season looking like Ernie from Sesame Street, do you? No, you do not.
5. Make a season-related promise to yourself.
It could be that you’ll talk to the guy you’ve been crushing on before spring ends (no brainer, just do it. The fever may catch on!), or that you’ll go swimming at least 5 times in your new swimsuit before June (yes, hot tubs count.) For those who catch the fever and can’t commit to anything, simply make a vow to enjoy the season when everything wakes up, the fruit is sweeter and it’s ripe for the picking.
The sexual, youthful, insatiable parts of us are starting to reawaken with a hunger for life and sunshine in some parts of the country. In others, two months time and thoughts of Shia Labeouf and the like will be making you purr. Maybe that one’s just me.
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