Nespresso C185 Koenig Le Cube Espresso Machine $242. First of all, it’s called “Le Cube.” The French make good espresso, don’t they? Yes they do. It is also “the Macintosh of espresso makers!” (exclamation point included) and boasts “easy capsule ejection” (cue Beavis & Butthead laugh). But seriously, it has a sleek design, warms your cups, is programmable and has a high pressure bar. If you don’t know what that stuff means but you know your wife likes espresso, get her this.
Lili Lite Shelf $125. Book lovers and lazy people alike have been waiting for this gadget their whole lives. It’s this shelf that you put your book on, see, and when you remove your reading material your light goes on, and when you put it back your light shuts off. No more torn ligaments from trying to reach the lamp without exposing a body part to the freezing air outside your cocoon of warmth.
Vespa LXV 150 $5,200. Yup, a scooter. We’re going there. She’s going there. She’s got her scarf, cute helmet and little backpack, cruising through town with everyone looking and saying “how European!” What makes the LXV 150 so special is that it looks vintage, but is techified for the 2010s. It goes 59 mph and gets 70-75 mpg. It comes in Siena Ivory and Portofino Green, so yeah, white and green. Oh, and I want one.
Sony Cyber-shot TX1 Camera $380. This awesome thing has all the technological widgets you would expect from a newly-arrived digi cam, but perhaps more importantly, it comes in different colors. Whether shooting video of your kindergartner’s play or taking pics of your hike through Death Valley, you need this camera. As a gift, of course. Not for yourself. Maybe.
Carnal Pleasures Collection by Shunga $72. All kinds of oils, creams, powders and feathers to bring sexy back to the bedroom. Grandma can’t wait any longer for the grandkid, you know. And you don’t want to make grandma mad, do you? I didn’t think so.
Farouk CHI Original Ceramic Ionic Flat Iron $70. My friend got one of these. I thought she was crazy. “You spent how much on a what?” Then she straightened my hair with it. And I understood. Made from NASA-grade ceramic, this flat iron flattens its competition and your hair. Your wife will be so happy to give that $15 piece of crap straightener she has now to Goodwill.
Anything on etsy. Women love handmade stuff; this is the number one place in the world to sell handmade stuff. Giving a handmade, one-of-a-kind item tells her that she’s one-of-a-kind, if not handmade. You can buy stuff like candles, jewelry, ceramics, quilts, clothes, plants, and something called “geekery,” which seems to include things like iPod docks made out of tree limbs and raw bacon magnets. Sweet!
Envirosax – Set of 5 La Boheme, Reusable Shopping Bags $38. You might think that if you bought your wife grocery bags, said bags would end up stuffed on your head or up your – well, anyway. But these bags are totally beautiful, roomy and so environmental that people will stare at her in awe as she breezes through the farmer’s market on a cloud of organic. Totally functions as a purse too.
Better Than Chocolate Vibrator $80. Yes, a vibrator. And a classy, beautiful and modern one at that. Fun for her and possibly fun for you, use it to get her in the mood and have a really happy holiday.
Prepara Power Plant $40. Women are natural nurturers, or, a lot of them are anyway. Here’s a good way to test that theory. Can she grow a plant? Yes? Good, now you can move onto dog, and then possibly baby. You should get her this plant because a) it grows in something that looks like a CPU and b) it incorporates “NASA-proven technology.” Go space program!